let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
