You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
