Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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