I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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