He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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