I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
