I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
