dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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