Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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