Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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