It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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