I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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