This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
