is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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