i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
