It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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