He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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