He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
