I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
