Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
