He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
