I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
