Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
