Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Too much gin, very little bucket
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
