Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
