Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
