If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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