all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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