My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
