I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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