Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
