Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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