I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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