He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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