i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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