This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
