I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
