If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
