Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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