i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
