I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
