I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
