What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
