His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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