Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
