How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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