So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
