He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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