Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
handjob tips. give me some.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
