Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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