Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
